


my own weaknesses (my own fears)

by SiderumInCaelo



Series: Elementary Season 6 Ficlets [1]
Category: Elementary (TV)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Episode: s06e01 An Infinite Capacity for Taking Pains, Ficlet, Gen, Introspection, POV Joan Watson (Elementary)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-04-30 14:08:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14498685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SiderumInCaelo/pseuds/SiderumInCaelo
Summary: She doesn't get to be selfish.  Sherlock's the one with the brain injury, after all.





	my own weaknesses (my own fears)

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from The Bridge Poem, by Donna Kate Ruskin.

She doesn’t get to be scared, or angry, or panicked.  She doesn’t get to cry right now, or throw things, or bury herself in work and pretend nothing else exists.  She doesn’t even get to feel guilty, because it won’t help.

She gets to be concerned on Sherlock’s behalf, and then she gets to drop it and go follow a lead with him. 

(She does hug him, because she thinks, despite Sherlock’s continuing disinclination to physical contact, that she can pass it off as an attempt to comfort him.  And she does want to comfort him, even if she doesn’t know how, but she mostly thinks it might comfort _her_ , to tangibly feel his presence.  Maybe it would have worked better if Sherlock had returned the gesture.)

Later, when Sherlock freaks out, she doesn’t get to join him.  Even when he tells her that he would pick death over unending cognitive symptoms, she doesn’t get to react.  She gets to be calm and rational and optimistic, reminding him that his symptoms aren’t permanent, and to later make up her own treatment plan.

Anything else would be selfish.  It would be selfish to ask him to reconsider telling the captain and Marcus just because she doesn’t want to carry this on her own.  It would be selfish to ask about finding a new sponsor because she doesn’t want to end up acting like his sober companion again.  It would be selfish to say that this, after her father’s schizophrenia and her mother’s creeping dementia, is too much for her.  And it would definitely be selfish to admit that she’s still mourning the death of the person who did this to Sherlock.

She’ll do what Sherlock needs – _be_ what Sherlock needs – just like she always has. 

**Author's Note:**

> This is my way of explaining Joan's almost supernaturally calm reaction to Sherlock's diagnosis. (I think the real answer is that the writers haven't cared about Joan's character development in four seasons, but I like this more.)


End file.
